Porcelain Doll, Diamond Mask
by Silver Sailor Ganymede
Summary: Based on Lee Vin's 'One'. Jenny muses about her true self in comparison to the facade she must wear as a teen idol.


Disclaimer: I do not own One.

(AN: I had only read the first volume of 'One' when I wrote this, so I apologise for any innacuracies in this fanfiction in relation to later volumes of the manga)

Porcelain Doll, Porcelain Mask  
By Silver Sailor Ganymede

My name is Jenny, Jenny You. In fact, I don't even know why I'm telling you this; you proabably all know my name by now. In fact, I'd be surprised if there was a kid out there who didn't know my name and face. But incase you don't know – and I must admit I am really surprised by this – I'm Jenny You, teen idol and flavour of the month among Korea's teenage population. They love my 'doll-like' looks and my pop music. Thing is, they really don't like me: and in truth, neither do I.

As far back as I can remember I have always been Jenny You, child idol. Never just normal Jenny: though, in fact, what is normal about the name 'Jenny' anyway; it sounds more like a name a child would give to a doll… and that's proabbly why my mother named me that. She never wanted me to be her daughter; no she just wanted a doll to play with. And that's what she's got: a pretty child-idol with the face of a porcelain doll.

Yes, that's me, the porcelain princess doll with her doll like features and porcelain face. Hardly anyone, if anyone at all, knows that my porcelain face is just a mask. A mask covered in girly makeup that hides away any trace of a personality. But then again, I don't need a personality, do I? I'm just a mindless doll and dolls aren't really alive, are they? They just sit there and look pretty without ever saying a word. That's why I've never liked dolls; they remind me too much of me with their cold, unseeing, staring glass eyes.

I see the world through a cynic's eyes now, though nobody knows that because of my makeup mask. No, I may have jade-like eyes, but only because they're jaded, not because they sparkle like gems. But I have to fake that sparkle; I have to force a tear from one eye when really both should be overflowing with tears by now. But I'm not allowed to cry; I'm a doll, and dolls have eyes of glass, not real eyes, so they can't cry.

Like a doll I also have to have a fixed impression on my face. I'm not allowed to do anything but smile: unless of course I'm required to. I have to pretend that everything's fine. It's like with Ha Rock; I'm supposed to be in love with the guy, when in fact I hate his guts. No wonder they call him 'Ha Rock' when his brain was probably switched with a rock at birth. Another incedent I can think of was that thing with Jiwon Jin; I tripped her on stage because I hate her, but then I had to pose with her and co-host with her, all the time with a fake smile painted on my face, and act like we were the best of friends. Yeah right. How could people fall for that crap?

Yeah, I did just say 'crap'; yes, Jenny the dolly has a foul mouth, so what? In fact, I have news for all of you who are my 'fans'; you love me but you don't love _me_. All the girls and guys who swoon over me on stage hate me for who I really am. You see, in reality I'm not a doll. No, I'm a human, much to my 'mother's' displeasure. I am a human and, in truth, I'm about as un-doll-like as it is possible to get. For one thing, I only dress like a doll because I'm forced to, and because that's what people expect me to be, so that's what I have to be. For another thing, I hate the music I have to make. Pop music, quite frankly, sucks. It sucks badly. But I have to pretend I like it; for one thing, my 'mother' won't let me like anything else, and for another, dolls are supposed to be sweet and not listen to rock or heavy metal music.

Well, I news for all of you; I'm not a doll. I'm just a normal seventeen year-old girl with a completely un-normal life. Thing is, I hate my life. Most people would kill to live like I am, but I really do hate it; after all, living a lie isn't really living, is it? Is it? I don't know why I'm asking; I suppose I'll never know, will I? I'll never know what it means to live because I have to be the perfect little idol girl, the beautiful one with a face like a doll and about as much personality and soul. I have to like my life as a beautiful doll, never seeming anything but happy; all the world will ever see is my mask: and I suppose my mask is becoming me now, isn't it? I am not the girl I should be; I am simply a child whose entire life has been spent hidden behind a hideous mask. A mask that looks like porcelain, but is in truth made of diamonds. Diamonds are beautiful and distract the eyes, but they are also the hardest sustance that exists. And that is what I am, a porcelain doll with a mask made of daimonds… and that is all I will ever be. Isn't it?


End file.
